Teeter Totter Water Totter

Acrylic on panel, 24 x 36 in, $9,000.00

The ongoing complexity of weighing and documenting certain wildlife species has always been a massive task, usually involving tranquilizing the animals so that it can be checked in relative safety. With the introduction of the water totter, a fresh new scheme to approach this dilemma for larger animal life was hatched. The idea was to use some form of bait on one end of the sea-saw that would encourage the animal to climb up onto the undulating buoy. At that point the mechanism would register an accurate weight and then gently drop its subject back into the water. Loosely tested for a few seasons, the water totter seemed like it was more work than payoff and the tranquilizer method was put back into practice.

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Ice Cream-berg

Acrylic on panel, 24 x 29.5 in, $8,000.00

It’s thought that the Chinese invented the first ice cream, while the man who tried to turn it into a streamlined process was Mitchel Farnsworth. Mitchel spent years developing absurd steps that would produce ice cream in an environmentally thoughtful manner. He was an early advocate for utilizing natural resources to help scale up production. Oddly, today he is best known for creating the first slushie—the perfect blend of a slurp-able and scoopable frozen treat.

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Hippotosis Tester

Acrylic on panel, 16 x 24 in, $4,200.00

The Harstrom Halitosis tester was a nature-based testing apparatus inspired by coal mine canaries used for early carbon monoxide warnings. This sentinel idea was investigated to test levels of bad breath in an office environment to alert coworkers while also taking advantage of the soft sounds of these songbirds.

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Blindside Assistant with Quiver

Acrylic on panel, 15 x 16 in, SOLD

In the 1980s, Scotland imported a substantial amount of pandas from China’s Sichuan province. Hundreds of pandas were shipped to Scotland in an odd trade of whisky for pandas. These bears were known for being docile with a knack for clinging. Bagpipers from the Great Highlands utilized these pandas as a natural resource for carrying a piper’s spare chanters while adding to the visual entertainment. This so-called assistant was used regularly until the turn of the century when most pandas became elderly and less clingy.

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The Trunkless Sauna

Acrylic on panel, 16 x 25 in, SOLD

This pachydermian sauna was the closest thing to luxury that an elephant ever achieved. Sore and inflamed muscles are extremely common in geriatric elephants, and treating this common ailment is no simple task. This mobile unit was created to eliminate the need for elephants to travel for treatment. the elephant is enticed into the therapy unit by roasting peanuts on the steaming rocks inside the sauna. Elephant glute inflammation could be reduced in as little as fifteen minutes. while only a handful of these trunkless sauna units still exist today, these units enjoyed a golden era during the prime circus years of the 1920s.

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The Sea Bonsai (resting marker)

Acrylic on panel, 24 x 43 in, SOLD

In 1981, a one-of-a-kind channel marker buoy was created to provide a short recovery stop for migrating water fowl. These living buoys were quite the sight to see in the open ocean. Today only one resting marker still functions and is used daily by a random assortment of birds to catch a breath. Affectionately nicknamed The Sea Bonsai, this remaining buoy is 47 years old. The sea bonsai system allowed for miraculous growth of the tree while surrounded by saltwater catching all its nutrients from a built-in dispersant system integrated into the buoy.

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Cathedrabath

Acrylic on panel, 15 x 16 in, $3,200.00

This half bath, half lounger was Bart Gillespie’s brainchild. After getting out of a bath one evening and making himself an extra strong old-fashioned, Bart retired to his easy chair to enjoy his drink and mull the day’s events. While sitting there, he began to wonder, “Why am I choosing to relax? Why couldn’t these two relaxing spots come together to be one?” This moment was the spark for the Cathedrabath, a one-of-kind lounging masterpiece.

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Hole Punch Knockout

Acrylic on panel, 12 x 17 in, SOLD

In the 1960s, riding the popularity of outdoor games such as lawn darts and croquette, the game “Hole Punch Knockout” briefly appeared on store shelves. Hole Punch’s popularity was scarce due to the preparation it took to start the game. It required a six-foot hole to be dug before play could begin but only came standard with a small camping shovel.

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The Raised Garden Bed

Acrylic on panel, 15 x 16 in, SOLD

The raised garden bed was developed to bring rurality into suburban communities.

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Imperial

Acrylic on panel, 18 x 22.5 in, SOLD

Charles Hunston was a wildlife biologist experimenting with enlarging the Imperial Woodpecker species. His explorations in the area were to create a larger specie that could eat 1,000 times the amount of insects to bring down the global termite and carpenter ant populations.

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Apples Knievel

Acrylic on panel, 15 x 13.5 in, $2,900.00

The popularity of Evel Knievel brought on a surge of interest in the daredevil and stunt world. Knievel had a cousin in the car fabricating industry and developed a customized Datsun that could be driven on two wheels. This feature allowed stuntmen and stunt apes to master high-risk maneuvers on and around a moving vehicle. The famous Hollywood gorilla, “Apples,” is seen practicing on a Datsun Leener.

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Octa-Putt

Acrylic on panel, 17 x 18 in, SOLD

The Octa-Putt is a one-of-a-kid autonomous car controlled by the Octopoda species. These cars utilize the incredible brain power of the octopus and allow it to bridge the gap between land and sea. Although the octa-putt had almost no success, it was hailed as a revolutionary concept.

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Ballyhoo

Acrylic on panel, 15 x 16 in, $3,200.00

In 1960, the Province of St. Laverne Island in Alaska had an ingenuous marketing idea to attract tourists to the isolated community at the end of the world. Scaffolding was assembled in the back of a truck and loaded with domesticated polar bears that were driven around towns parading St. Lawrence’s best attributes. It was quickly halted with the induction of the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, signed into law in 1970 by Richard Nixon.

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The MoonTop Experiments

Acrylic on panel, 15 x 30 in, SOLD

Percy Pilcher was a German Pilot who began experiments on gliding to explore the possibilities of using large paper airplanes to travel short distances. The investigations stalled when funding dried up, and the research was lost to the wind.

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The Outing

Acrylic on panel, 15 x 16 in, SOLD

Fish are contained by the wall they are born into; without water, they cannot exist. What if that limitation was shattered by the ability to travel out of water. The “Fish Outer 1800” was the Uber ride fish didn’t even know they needed. This surprisingly simple apparatus allowed fish to travel in the open air for up to 180 minutes. The “Outer” was first introduced in 1967 by Jacques Cousteau on the heels of his revolutionary aqua lung invention (known today as scuba) that allowed humans to go under the ocean. The Fish Outer did not have the same success as scuba gear but still stands as a great example of human invention for the betterment of another specie, whether they want it or not.

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Jumbuck Wooly Weather Apparatus (circa 1999)

Acrylic on panel, 15 x 16 in, $3,200.00

This obscure cupola-like backpack was the perfect solution to weather on the go. It was never mass produced but used sporadically in the Scottish Highlands at the turn of the century. Its challenging size and weight required that the Jumbuck be transferred periodically from mutton back to mutton back.

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Songbird Exhortation Manipulation (test pair #4)

Acrylic on panel, 16 x 15 in, $3,200.00

Nicholas Copernicus, a sound engineer for Victrola, dreamt up the mega-cage system. It was used to see if the ambient hum of an air conditioning unit or fan could influence the mood of paired songbirds, causing them to fall out of love. The tests were conducted for a more extensive theory, where aggressively breeding bird species could be culled by creating disinterest in mating due to a lack of passion.

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Birds-Eye View

Acrylic on panel, 13.5 x 15 in, SOLD

The bird launcher was created on a long-running theory that originates in human psychology. The idea is that if someone or something is convinced they can do something through example and repetition, then what might have been considered impossible becomes possible and even expected. This so-called “Monkey See” theory was tested on flightless birds, where an inventive rocket was saddled on ostriches and used to assist penguins high into the atmosphere. The expectation was that they would eventually be convinced they could fly just like any other bird and defy their heritage.

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Elephant Car Wash

Acrylic on panel, 14.5 x 29 in, SOLD

The original Elephant Car Wash was created as an ingenious washing system for pachyderms at zoo facilities up and down the west coast. The rationalization was that elephants are already walking water tanks with built-in spray nozzles, making the concept seem logical. These giant creatures require much manpower to clean, but this invention never got its legs under it to become a larger reality.

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Neither Hear Nor There (this sounds absurd)

Acrylic on panel, 15 x 21 in, SOLD

The echo bowl was a short-lived invention based on the theory that music, or soothing sounds, projected in a sphere for short periods could lower appetite by as much as 32%. This unusual concept was tested extensively on pigs and goats but yielded no meaningful results.

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The Forest Confessional

Acrylic on panel, 15 x 16 in, $3,200.00

The most unusual invention to come out of the woods was initially created for a different purpose. Originally, Arch-Bishop Jamie Abernathy developed the Forest Confessional as a bird blind for grouse hunting. Upon seeing the overwhelming interest by the local wildlife, James put the rifle down and put on the cassock. Abernathy claimed that nature would repent many of their sins and express remorse for their previous evening’s meal.

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The Irish Tinkerer

Acrylic on panel, 14 x 15 in, $3,000.00

Roisin Martin was an Irish Tinkerer who arguably invented the first homemade portal. The ad hoc gateway transported over 65 randomized objects to his home workshop. Sadly, the Roisin Portal was destroyed when a full-sized male giraffe materialized one afternoon.

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The Surveyor's Assistant

Acrylic on panel, 16 x 28 in, SOLD

During the golden age of mapping and surveying, mountain goats were employed as assistants to land surveyors to determine three-dimensional positions on rugged terrain. In theory, the idea seemed practical given the goats’ climbing skills and calm nature. The concept lost momentum when it was discovered that the goats were highly irritated by the laser light and could not resolve the issue.

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Waddle Raft (avian transport)

Acrylic on panel, 15 x 18 in, SOLD

During the 1480s, Leonardo Da Vinci studied the concept of flight through a contraption he designed called the “ornithopter.” Sketches from that same era have been unearthed of a flying mechanism using a group of penguins to transport objects from point A to point B. While it’s impossible to attribute this state-of-the-art advancement to Da Vinci, it can’t be ruled out.

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